Pokemon SoulSilver – Tough Battles and Total Pansies

I can't even make a snide comment, this is awesome.

By the way, in the time before he went to bed, my brother couldn’t beat Whitney. He actually traded in Pokemon from Diamond just to get the job done and still almost lost. Anyway, the space between Goldenrod and the next town is almost all nonstop trainer battles, but there are also some very interesting side attractions for the curious. I am of course talking about the new Pokeathalon center, which is basically meant to be a sort of Pokemon Olympic games. I’m not even going to talk about it here, though – there is so much stuff you can do here that I could write a feature-length article about it – I suggest looking it up yourself if you’re trying to live the game vicariously through my posts, lol. I played a quick round at the dome, and it was fun, though I was confused as hell. I can see blowing a lot of time here in the aftergame.

Moving along, battles, battles, battles! The sheer number of battles was apparently enough to keep me on my three-hours-per-progression ‘schedule’. I’ve played 12 hours in the past day or so? Is that even possible? 12 hours is about the length of a 39 episode anime series. Why am I not able to exert this kind of concentration on one of those?! But at least I’m having fun.

Seeing as there were so many battles, I got to train my Pokemon a lot, and got to further understand their strengths and weaknesses and attack strategies. I really like the way my team is shaping up right now because of the variety in their skills. Railgun is pretty much a beast, usable in nearly all situations, except maybe against fighting Pokemon. It has truly become my team’s all-star tank. BOSS NIGGA also learned fucking Ice Fang, meaning that he has a Water, Ice, and Dark attack, keeping him strong in a good variety of situations. The whole team feels pretty power-house.

I also caught the Sudowoodo that you have to spray and named it ‘UpliftMofo‘ – I haven’t been able to test it in battle yet, since I just pulled it from the PC, but starting at level 20 already makes it a way more efficient backup than FIZZBITCH was. As such, FIZZBITCH will be joining the vast multitude of PLZKNOWCUT’s in the PC. Too bad I still have nothing that will learn god damn Cut.

One battle of note before I reached the next town was one where these two bitches ganged up on me for a 2-on-2 battle and they had 5 Pokemon, all Wigglytuff and Clefable. That battle was way damn harder than it had any right to be thanks to all the status effects flying around, however I felt pretty proud of myself for conducting enough strategies to walk away will all of my Pokemon alive, if mortally wounded.

In the town, there was this one scene in the dance theater that caught my attention. I had to save this kimono-wearing woman from basically getting raped by this Rockt henchman, in an almost cutscene-like instance. It was strange because it didn’t lead to anything, but even more strange because this was the third random appearance of the kimono woman. I first talked to her briefly in the second town, and then there was a (cute) scene in the dark forest wherein my Pokemon had shown her the way out. Just who is this kimono-wearing woman?! I half-expect her to be a defender of justice. Or Lance in drag.

Next I headed to the wrecked-up tower with the mystical cats in it where I met that guy who wants to fuck Suicune and the gym leader. Oh, and I got attacked by ASSCOCK again.

Honestly, he is a cunt.

I actually lost the first match because of something I never would have expected – his fucking Magnemite. In the new games, apparently Magnemite is a steel-type Pokemon, and therefor it made Rocky into it’s little bitch, not taking much damage and dealing it out like hell with Sonicboom and not letting BOSS NIGGA or Fuuko-chan stand up to it’s thundershocks. Thankfully, knowing what to expect, I came back and wiped the floor with his ass(cock) using this ingenious invention called ‘strategy’ and I don’t even think I lost a Pokemon.

After that was Morty’s gym, which was a fucking joke. Oh, but the design was cool. The whole gym was covered in darkness, with just a few candles illuminating parts of the path ahead. If you stepped off the path, you would fall into the misty darkness and be teleported back to the start. What made this interesting is that each opponent you fought would move forward and block your path to fight you, but in doing so, use their candle to illuminate the way to get around them. However, after you defeat them, their candle goes out, so you have to navigate the path you saw in the dark. Luckily, if you’re a dumbass like me who fell EVERY SINGLE TIME, AND THEN SEVERAL TIMES AT RANDOM, then when you get sent back, the opponents lights are back on, and they are no longer blocking your passage.

As for the fighting, I cleared the entire gym with Railgun. THE ENTIRE GYM. After all, the only Pokemon that anyone in the gym possessed were Ghastly, Haunter, and Morty’s Gengar. Pathetic. Railgun’s Extrasensory ability made quick work out of all enemies. The only threat ever posed was the enemies who used Curse, but I had stocked up on Super Potions before the battle to thwart those endeavors. I only had to trade out Railgun once, when he was put to sleep by Haunter and almost Dream Eaten, so I let BOSS NIGGA clean his block (only to get 1-hit-killed by Gengar’s Shadow Ball, WTF?!) but then Railgun was right back out there cleaning up. What’s more, after defeating Morty, Railgun evolved into a Togetic at level 26! I’m pretty sure this was the first time I’ve had a Togetic, whose evolution is happiness-based, so I was quite glad about it.

I’m very happy to feel like my team is coming into it’s own, and I can’t wait to see where it goes!:

Railgun (Togetic) lvl. 26 – Attacks: Headbutt, Yawn, Extrasensory, Encore <- Unbeatable tank of ultimate winsauce

Fuuko-chan (Ghastly) lvl. 20 – Attacks: Confuse Ray, Lick, Curse, Night Shade <- Left out of last few major battles but gunna clean house in fighting gym.

Rocky (Onix) lvl. 20 – Attacks: Rock Smash, Tackle, Rock Throw, Rock Tomb <- Also being pushed back. Will he remain a contender?

BOSS NIGGA (Croconaw) – lvl. 22 – Attacks: Scratch, Bite, Water Gun, Ice Fang <- A variety-powered tour-de-force

UpliftMofo (Sudowoodo) lvl. 20 – Attacks: Flail, Low Kick, Rock Throw, Mimic <- A promising newcomer?!

Cut.