Pokemon SoulSilver – Between a Rock and a Steel Place

In this continued story of my Pokemon journey, you could say that today was the time for my character development. A lot of emotional devastations were dished out and I had to rise over many mountains. But first, let’s talk Pokewalker.

I still haven’t had the chance to use the Pokewalker yet, but my brother has been wearing his as he goes to school and stuff. I believe he had his Togepi in it, and he told me that one of his friends at school also had a Pokewalker on, his containing Meowth. Now, when you bring your Pokemon back from the Pokewalker to the DS, it gives you a summary of everything that your Pokemon did while it was walking with you. In my brother’s report, it said how his Togepi had been hanging out with the friend’s Meowth. The two of them hadn’t done anything – no pressing buttons or aiming rays at each other – the Pokewalkers had picked up each-other’s signals on their own. That, I thought, was fucking boss.

Anyway, let’s talk about the game. The next place for me to head was the lighthouse where Jasmine was tending to a sick Ampharos. Chances are, if you’ve been on the internet long enough, you’ve seen a picture or two of Jasmine fucking that Ampharos. (And if you haven’t, you are now imagining it. Remember, Ampharos is an electric Pokemon. He’s basically a giant vibrator.) Seriously, while looking for pictures of Jasmine for this post, I found so much (very well-drawn) porn of Jasmine, you’d think she was a major character. I even found an image of her being ripped apart and eaten by a pack of Houndoom. I don’t really know what the fuck was up with that. Anyway, the conclusion you can draw from all this is that Jasmine is a radical slut, and also her speech leads me to believe that, were she an anime character, she’d be played by Mamiko Noto. Moving on, moving on.

As you may remember from Silver, you have to go to the next town on an island in order to collect the medicine necessarily to heal Amphy, so after cleaning out the lighthouse, off I went. This is, collectively, where things got weird. You may remember from my last post that my Ghastly, Fuuko-chan, was only level 20, starting to fall behind all of my other Pokemon, but I knew I’d make it up in Chuck’s fighting gym where she could make a mess of things. However, as it so happened, between the lighthouse and the waterway to the island, I almost solely fought water Pokemon. It also so happened that Fuuko-chan was the only one really sufficient in destroying them, and by the time I reached the island, Fuuko-chan was already level 30, way ahead of the rest of my team. But hey, that could hardly be called a bad thing, right?

Put 'Chuck Pokemon' into Google and all you get is made-up Chuck Norris Pokemon cards.

So, after a quick run-in with the guy who fucks Suicunes, I headed into Chuck’s gym and made absurdly quick work of all of his attendant trainers with Shadow Ball. In Chuck’s gym, the leader is standing under a waterfall and is too concentrated to notice you. You must ascend a rock wall, taking on fighters along the way, and turn off the machine that is pouring water down on chuck to get his attention and do battle.

It would so happen that this was the hardest-fought battle I’d encountered yet (not helped by the fact that I didn’t bring along any healing items.) Chuck’s Primeape was no problem, but the Poliwrath was a true force to be reckoned with. In the long battle, every single one of my Pokemon went up against it, to no avail. It’s water attacks made fools of Rocky and UpliftMofo. It’s Focus Punch wiped out BOSS NIGGA who had become underleveled in all this time, and was up against a much stronger opponent. Even Railgun went down with ease, because when Poliwrath wasn’t annihilating my team, he was putting them to sleep. At the end of the match, my then level 32 Haunter, Fuuko-chan, pulled through with a mere 7 hit points remaining. The victory was possible simply because the Night Shade attack always does an amount of damage equal to the level of the enemy Pokemon, and has a 100% accuracy rate, so as long as Fuuko-chan was able to hold out, I could eventually win by spamming that move. Had the enemy been of perfect AI, I probably would have lost, but in the end I pulled through at the last minute.

Still, a victory is a victory, and I was glad to get the Fly HM as soon as I walked out of the gym and taught it to Railgun ASAP. However, this meant that my next match was going to be against Jasmine. There was nowhere to run. There were no trainers in Jasmine’s gym, just two older people who I almost want to say were her parents thanking me for helping her before. Jasmine destroyed my team. Her pair of Magnemites obliterated me. Their combination of Thunderbolts and Sonicbooms was enough to tackle anything my party had. Even when Fuuko-chan remained to make it on to Steelix, it brought her down with a shake of it’s Iron Tail. I had tasted defeat – and I wanted revenge.

Damn you, you apparently very attractive bitch!

I knew that my problem was having underleveled my other Pokemon in favor of Fuuko-chan and Railgun. So I needed to do some Mountain Training. Luckily I had just received a call from the owner of the newly-developed Johto Safari Zone, which was accessible by traveling along a dangerous mountain pass attached to the island town I’d just left – a totally new area for this game. I headed there, BOSS NIGGA leading the party, to see what was up.

Thankfully the mountain pass was littered with trainers, so I was able to get some leveling done (plus the mountain pass area was really cool looking) however there was one encounter that rocked me down to a new low. It was a 2-on-2 match with a Magmar and an Electabuzz, both level 25, that I didn’t anticipate. Right at the start of the battle, Electabuzz 1-hit-KOe’d BOSS NIGGA and his assistant, UpliftMofo, didn’t have much better of a chance. I didn’t want to send out Fuuko-chan. However, the rest of my party was also no match. Rocky, also underleveled, was brought down by Magmar’s flamethrower. Railgun went down with just one Thunderbolt. And when I finally sent Fuuko-chan out, the only remaining member of my party, I didn’t have time to take out both opponents before their ganged-up attacks brought me down. I felt low. This was the worst – I’d been utterly obliterated. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be!

I went back and took on the trainers again, this time sending out Fuuko-chan and Rocky from the start and having no trouble at all, but it still didn’t feel right. I needed to make Rocky and BOSS NIGGA stronger if I wanted to take on Jasmine – and I didn’t have a whole lot of means to do so. I finished off what trainers I could before finally making it to the Safari Zone, which modern technology was able to make look like Jurassic fucking Park. I hung out there for a little while, but once again, the Safari Zone is so intricate this time around that a feature-length article could be written about it. Instead, go do some reasearch on Serebii if you’re interested.

Once I was done playing around, I flew on back to town, where I knew my fight with Jasmine was all that awaited. The time was nigh! And once more, the battle was pretty tough. I don’t remember exactly what happened with the first Magnemite, but I’m pretty sure I lost both UpliftMofo and Fuuko-chan (who made it onto the second one) to bring it down. The second one was a shocking clincher, wherein Rocky proved victorious. After the light damage from Fuuko-chan, I used my knowledge from the last time we fought to realize that the Rock Smash attack, a fighting move which had been largely useless to me until now, was able to do more damage to Magnemite than rock attacks. Victory almost seemed out of grasp when Jasmine used a hyper potion on Magnemite and continued to spam Sonicboom, but somehow, with only a pittance of hit points remaining, Rocky pulled through and brought the Magnemite to it’s knees. All that was left was Steelix, and my victory was already set in stone. Now that the electric-using Pokemon were all gone, BOSS NIGGA had nothing left to fear. It only took three Surf attacks to bring down the iron giant. Finally, sweet victory was all mine.

Thankfully, there is plenty of training opportunity lying ahead to even my team back out and bring them to the fighting force that they always should have been. UpliftMofo will be replaced eventually, because so far my impression is that anything it can do, Rocky can do better, but for now, my team looks like this:

Fuuko-chan (Haunter) lvl. 33 – Attacks: Sucker Punch, Shadow Ball, Shadow Punch, Night Shade <- Nearly indestructible.

BOSS NIGGA (Croconaw) lvl. 27 – Attacks: Surf, Bite, Water Gun, Ice Fang <- Finally coming back from obscurity

Rocky (Onix) lvl. 24 – Attacks: Rock Smash, Sandstorm, Rock Throw, Rock Tomb <- A little behind, but that never stopped Balboa

Railgun (Togetic) lvl. 29 – Attacks: Headbutt, Fly, Extrasensory, Wish <- The flying attribute is a blessing and a curse it seems

UpliftMofo (Sudowoodo) lvl. 22 – Attacks: Flail, Low Kick, Rock Throw, Mimic <- Waiting to be replaced

No joke, I sent this out against Poliwrath and it lasted 5 TURNS. He kept trying to use Focus Punch and I kept breaking his focus with Cut.

ADDITIONAL NOTES:

- I didn’t even know about the autorun option until my brother pointed it out to me. I’ve been breaking my thumb holding B this whole time.

- The female swimmers are HOT.

- My brother, truly keeping it old school, did not save his game in the time between pre-Morty (whom gave him a lot of trouble) and making it all the way to the island to fight the Suicune-fucker and his game randomly turned off on him. Way to loose a shit-ton of progress, just like the old days!