Myself in Anime

[NOTE: this post was written in a vain attempt to squeeze a laugh or two out of my incredibly unbearably emo self at the moment.]
[WARNING: Spoilers for Iriya no Sora, UFO no Natsu]

I’ve noticed that whenever an anime presents characters that either A. remind me of myself, B. remind me of my past, or C. remind me of who I wish to be but can’t, I have a nervous breakdown. Obviously, this means I am a completely hopeless person XD.

Iriya no Sora UFO no Natsu, when I’m done being completely emo over it, is probably going to rank somewhere high in my favorites. for the moment, though, my emoness is clogging up my ability to judge the show. That alone will make it a favorite, probably. It’s mostly Asaba’s fault. Much like Shinji did back in 06, he reminded me a lot of myself. Thank god I’ve at least graduated that far. Even if Asaba is still less of a coward than myself. (okay, must try to be as little emo as possible.) The thing about this show is that it didn’t end like Eureka Seven. E7, surprisingly, didn’t make me have a nervous breakdown afterward. That’s mostly because my concept of true love is that you either live together eternally or die together.

But Iriya didn’t end that way. Only one person got to die, and the other was left behind. And I can’t decide if I think it’s right or not. Most people probably walked away from this show with a clear-cut idea of whether they liked or hated Asaba and his decisions throughout, but I just can’t think of it. The reason being that (oh god, here comes the emo) long ago I had a situation that every show featuring a broken chick reminds me of (hence my love for broken chicks probably) and I didn’t make it as far as Asaba. Now, the person I was dealing with was probably more like Eureka than Iriya but I’d say my part in it ended somewhere around when Iriya was trucked off to the final battle. If Asaba had never heard from her again, never looked for her, and just lived on without knowing, that’d be what I did. And because I never went back like he did, I can’t figure out what I would have done. There’s a big part of me that hates Asaba and says ‘he should have died with her. He should have shot himself and been with her.’ But there’s also another part that wonders if I would have done what he did, because I wonder exactly why he chose that path. The part of me that thinks I couldn’t have lived with myself is silenced by the part that says ‘you don’t know what you would’ve done.’

And yeah, basically that conflict made me so emo that I scratched open the skin on my shoulder and it hurts like a bitch, so I’m trying to post this to calm down. Sorry for turning my blog into a livejournal, but I’m in a lot of pain and trying to keep from pissing myself in fear.